Feeling frozen in a complacent or unhealthy pattern with your partner? Much of the time it may be easy for you to identify when things aren’t right between you and your partner, but it’s a whole other matter to know what to do to break up the monotony.

+Put the phone down and make eye contact

Be more present

Believe it or not, chances are that even a short conversation without tech distraction is more meaningful to your partner than an hour of conversation with a phone or tablet in your hand punctuated by brief eye contact. Wondering how you are going to pry that tablet out of their hand to have a conversation? Try leading by example. If your partner sees that you have put down your fave tech to look them in the eye for a spell, they may naturally follow suit in order to join you in that space.

+Make space for light conversation

Tired of diving deep? Take a swim in the shallows

If your relationship has been strained lately, you may be feeling like you keep having the same unproductive conversation with your partner, leaving you both feeling like you are just banging your heads against the wall. If this is the case, consider making space for lighter conversations to occur. Talking about the show you are watching or the new coffee shop that opened in town may create the breath of fresh air you both have been needing. Chances are that if you’ve both had a little time away from the hot topic you’ve been grappling with, the next interaction you have about it may end up being a bit more productive.

+Be curious

Yes, there ARE still things to learn about your partner

It is common to feel like you’ve “run out of things to talk about” in a long term relationship or marriage. But as we continue to grow, we have new thoughts and opinions about occurrences in our daily life. Well, so does your partner. So rather than assuming there isn’t anything new to discuss, ask your partner a question. You may be surprised by the conversation that comes next. For example, maybe there’s a co-worker or hobby your partner used to talk about, and you haven’t heard them mention it in a while. This is an opportunity for you to not only express interest in your partner’s life, but it shows them that you listen and remember things they care about.

Although no one trick can “fix” communication struggles in a relationship, putting in the effort to try new ways of communicating can break negative patterns with time.